The Official Nonsense Thread

[Caspin]

Aw, your pug is called Milo? That's a nice name.

[Minty]

Wasn't Milo the kitten and Otis the pug?

Better watch he doesn't take you to court for failing to walk him, considering some of what appears on that show: "You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The people are real. The cases are unreal!"

I loved the time she had Johnny Rotten on the show - it was like she was encountering her long lost son, right down to the snappiness and the hand gestures!

[Caspin]

The most appealing aspect for me is that "the decisions are final"! No backchat for Judge J!

[Ollie]

"YouTube recommended a PlayStationTrailers video 43 years ago"
'Please explain,' says mrs. Pauline Hanson.

[Minty]

Yesterday's newspapers up here were full of claims like this.




Even the local TV news was reporting when I left the house about "record crowds hitting the shops for last minute gifts".




Here's what I found.




"Oh no! I'll never get my Christmas shopping done in these record breaking crowds!"




"Oh woe, woe is me! Marks & Sparks is so packed it's going to take me FOREVER to see everything on sale, all the good stuff's sold out already, & it's going to take AGES to queue for the tills!"




"This is too much! Look at the lengthy queues to get to the platforms for trains, & all of them carrying tonnes of shopping meaning even less space available! At this rate I'll have to wait a whole 15 minutes to get an entire train carriage to myself! I can't take it anymore! Where's my revolver?" "###CLICK###" - "###BANG!###"

Those I spoke to in the shops said it was dead on Saturday too, & the busiest they've been is Black Friday, when the town was full in the afternoon with drunken office workers and private schoolkids that had all finished up at noon, & it was mostly the cafes and pubs that were getting their trade. An old mate I used to work with in HMV (for the benefit of Bobert, Ollie, [removed] & any others from outside Britain, they are our biggest music & DVDs retailer) many years ago told me they're laying off their entire extra seasonal staff on Christmas Eve in the two city stores, they just can't justify keeping them on.

They'd better hope that people have been buying online instead, otherwise I fear even more stores closing in the new year.

[Caspin]

Phew glad you managed to battle your way through that mayhem, Minty. It's quiet here too. The football was cancelled because the pitch has turned into a pond and even the supermarket was easy to get round when I went to buy the forgotten but essential spuds. Lots of cars on the roads though, taking delight in driving through the huge puddles so pedestrians get soaked.

In other news this thing I'm typing on has an overly intrusive spell check. It wants to correct 'Minty' to 'frosted' and 'Ollie' to 'policies'. So if I write something weird it may not be my fault.

[Minty]

Today's Weegie Herald:

Traders are relieved by a last-minute rush to buy by Russell Leadbetter
"Inside, most if not all of the shops appeared to be doing brisk business [wut?]... ....Even a stall giving away samples of professional teeth-cleaning strips had a queue [did they f***!]. The food courts were thronged [crap!]. Downstairs, at one entrance, inexhaustible supplies of shoppers came through the door. [utter crap!]

"The most persistent Christmas jingle across the country was the sound of cash registers ringing on high streets and in shopping malls. Late openings, in-store sales and the quest for food and last-minute gifts all contributed to the rush, despite unpredictable weather."
Um, no sorry, you are making it up
Now for the best bit:

"At lunchtime at Marks & Spencer in Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow, a sales assistant said: "It's been busy now but it will really pick up in the afternoon and it will be absolutely jam-packed tomorrow."


Marks & Spencers, eh?




True this is the Argyle Street branch which is a stones throw away from the Sauchiehall Street one. But if he is trying to suggest one was jam packed (it wasn't) while the other was clearly empty from the above picture, he's been hitting the Christmas sherry too early.

Do they really think making up fairy stories about "jam-packed" shops is going to get people to come out? All it does is make people say "nah, I'll do my shopping online instead".

Much of the footie was wiped out up here, but Hearts still managed to stuff Dundee United 2-1. The most bizarre part of the game was the Hearts fans cheering whenever Rudi Skacel (who has scored in two Scottish Cup final winning teams for Hearts now) got the ball & chanting "Rudi we love you" whilst the fans of the team he plays for booed him mercilessly.

[Ollie]

Well at the main shopping centre that we go to is pretty busy, but I think that's like the largest or second largest in the Southern Hemisphere or something along the lines of that.

[Caspin]

I think I've found all Glasgow's missing shoppers. They've all come down here to the northwest of England. My dad just went out and found that the shops are rammed and people are parking their cars any place they like!

I'm going to stay in the house and eat mini pretzels where it's safe and dry.

[Minty]

Here's two neighbours that won't be giving each other a card this year!