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This is part of my big project, I had to write an alternate ending to this book. Tell me if you like it, also I'm posting it so I can copy it from here and paste it onto my computer with a printer, LOL.

Enjoy.

The Call of the Wild - Alternate Ending                                                                                                


Buck started racing towards camp, sensing something was wrong. He ran as fast as he could, and when he arrived at the camp, he was shocked. There were a group of Yeehats, attacking John Thorton. The Yeehats were demanding that John Thorton hand over everything he has, or they would kill him. John Thorton did not give in, as he had faith that Buck would come to rescue him.

Buck proceeded to pounce on the leader of the tribe, biting and scratching all the fury he had within him onto the tribe leader. The tribe leader tried to fight back, as he nervously dug a bow and arrow out of his bag, but Buck easily broke the arrow in half with his sharp teeth. Buck flung the tribe leader down onto the ground, biting him over and over until he was bleeding very badly.The tribe leader had tons of nasty wounds and cuts, and he died shortly after. Then Buck jumped onto the other tribe members, clawing and biting them. They were too shocked to fight back, so he managed to kill a few of them. The other tribe members ran away as fast as they could from this devil dog. They did not want to die the way that their master did.

Buck then looked over at Thorton, and proceeded to walk over to where the tribe leader had threw him. Thorton had a few cuts and bruises, but nothing serious. Buck gave John Thorton a big juicy lick on the face, and John Thorton let out a weak grin. Then he looked at Buck with his bloodshot eyes, and frailly said, "Buck, you're the best pal I've ever had in all my days." Buck then let out a happy bark, and John Thorton caressed his warm hand down Buck's furry back.

I guess you could say the last years of Buck's life were his best. Buck and John Thorton decided to settle in a small city of Canada. The winters were harsh and cold, but that's how Buck liked it. Buck did a little sledding in his last years too, but nothing too serious. Buck spent most of his days lying by a warm fireplace in a cozy log cabin, cuddling with the only man in the world that could care for him.

Wow that's great it sounds like im reading a book.  {clap} A+

Aww thanks Andrew =3 -hugs-
Or Cheese, whatever you wanna be called LOL

It was good!

I do have a few pointers though. I got them while taking my Creative Writing class this summer, and I'm also a victim to making these same mistakes. In your short passages, you have a lot of "then" 's. Try eliminating some of them and see how it sounds. What will most likely happen is that your writing will have a stronger effect. Or you can even change it to a different word, like "proceed(ed)" and move it in the sentence.

Also, I noticed you had "...biting him over and over until he was bleeding very badly". If you changed "very badly" to a more descriptive word, it'll help it sound better. The same goes for the word "ton", although that might be harder to change.

Those are just things to think of And depending if you have enough time to change it too. At least I might have given thoughts for any future writing xD

Alas, I've never read Call of the Wild, so I don't even know the story, but I wish I could comment something on that xDD

Thanks for the help
I really just wanted to finish it, LOL. Usually I go back and check for words like that and type them in on a thesaurus website and use more sophisticated words.  {freaked}

I can completely understand that. Although I'd watch out with the thesaurus, that could really backfire on you. Just make sure you check the dictionary also xD I've seen plenty of people try that lol.

It looked good.

Although, does the rest of the book always refer to him as 'John Thorton' or is it possible to just call him John?

To say his name over and over, it gets repetitive.  Annoyingly so.

The introduction paragraph alone has his full name 3 times ... that's a lot!


  Buck started racing towards camp, sensing something was wrong. He ran as fast as he could, and when he arrived at the camp, he was shocked. There were a group of Yeehats, attacking John Thorton. The Yeehats were demanding that John Thorton hand over everything he has, or they would kill him. John Thorton did not give in, as he had faith that Buck would come to rescue him.

By this point there really isn't any need to keep calling him by his full name. Would it be at all possible do change it to something like:

  Buck started racing towards camp, sensing something was wrong. He ran as fast as he could, and when he arrived at the camp, he was shocked. There were a group of Yeehats, attacking John Thorton. The Yeehats were demanding that John hand over everything he has, or they would kill him. However, he did not give in, as he had faith that Buck would come to rescue him.


This way, we know who Buck is protecting, but without the over use of the character's name.  Also, check your grammar!


  Buck then looked over at Thorton, and proceeded to walk over to where the tribe leader had threw him.


Does not sound as good as:

  Buck then looked over at Thorton, and proceeded to walk over to where the tribe leader had thrown him.




I've never read the book, so I don't know just how much of the ending you're rewriting x3  But, I hope these pointers come in handy.    If it were ME rewriting the ending, using your ending, this is how I'd have it:


  Buck started racing towards camp, sensing something was wrong. He ran as fast as he could, and when he arrived at the camp he was shocked. There were a group of Yeehats, attacking John Thorton. The Yeehats were demanding that John hand over everything he had on him, or they would kill him. However, he did not give in, as he had faith that Buck would come to his rescue.

  Buck proceeded then to pounce on the leader of the tribe; biting and scratching at the tribe's leader with all his fury. The tribe leader tried to fight back, as he nervously dug a bow and arrow out of his bag, but Buck easily broke the arrow in half with his sharp teeth. Buck flung the tribe leader down onto the ground, biting him over and over until he was bleeding profusely. The tribe leader had a lot of nasty wounds and cuts, and died shortly after. Buck then jumped onto the other tribe members, clawing and biting them. They were too shocked to fight back, resulting in several deaths. The remaining tribe members ran away as fast as they could from this devil dog. They did not want to die the way that their master and fellow tribe members had.

  Buck then looked over at John, and proceeded to walk over to where the tribe leader had thrown him. John had a few cuts and bruises, but nothing serious. Buck gave him a big juicy lick on the face, and he gave a weak grin. John looked at Buck, with his bloodshot eyes, and frailly said "Buck, you're the best pal I've ever had in all my days." Buck then let out a happy bark, and John caressed his warm hand down Buck's furry back.

  I guess you could say the last years of Buck's life were his best. Buck and John decided to settle in a small city in Canada. The winters were harsh and cold, but that's just how he liked it. Buck did a little sledding in his last years too, but nothing too serious. He spent most of his days lying by a warm fireplace in a cozy log cabin, cuddling with the only man in the world that could care for him.



Now, like I said, I never read the book, but just going off what you already had written this should give you a somewhat better idea of changes you could make

LOL thanks for the help Jen, but we had to turn in the project today {freaked}
The book usually calls him "Thornton" but that got annoying too, LOL.

Oooh okay x3  LOL  I wasn't home at all yesterday, so I just saw the thread today.

And yeah, the constant name stating gets really old x3  LOL  No matter what the name is.

Brilliant, I love it when people use their imagination and write.

This kinda makes me think of a game we used to do when we were doing creative writing, where we'd each write a sentence, give it to the person sat next to us, and we'd have to write a short story or chunk of text evolving around the sentence. People hated it but I loved it. XD
*runs off to write short story*